Scene in front of the Ferry Building:
SIGNATURE GATHERER: Excuse me, would you like to sign a petition to help get our party on the ballot?[That's all, folks]
POTENTIAL VOTER: Well, maybe. What party is it?
SG: It's the Connecticut for Lieberman Party.
PV: Um...but this is California.
SG: Yes, but we think our platform is one that deserves a hearing in all 50 states.
PV: Uh-huh.
SG: We're really excited about this. We feel that the Connecticut for Lieberman Party offers a genuine, sensible alternative to the occasionally misguided policies of the Republicans and the psychotic left-wing extremism of the Democrats.
PV: Okay...so what is the platform of the, uh, Connecticut for Lieberman Party?
SG: Lieberman.
PV: ...?
SG: Well, more specifically, Joe Lieberman.
PV: Um...right. And you're also for, let me guess, Connecticut?
SG: Well, actually Joe Lieberman is for just about all the states. He hasn't taken a stand on Alabama yet, he's still looking into it, but basically he's in favor of all of them.
PV: Glad to hear it.
SG: So the 'Connecticut' thing is kind of poetic license.
PV: So this is just all about Joe Lieberman, then? There isn't anything more to it?
SG: I'm not getting your point.
PV: Well, I mean, it's a political party, right? You must have stands on all the important issues.
SG: Oh, yes, we do.
PV: Okay.
SG: We're completely opposed to primary challengers.
PV: Primary challengers...for Joe.
SG: That's right. It may not be a popular stand, but it's a principled stand. Principled--just like Joe.
PV: But what about other issues like...oh, I don't know...just to pick one out of the air...Iraq?
SG: I'm glad you brought that up. As a matter of principle, we are firmly and unequivocally in favor of Joe Lieberman's conscience.
PV: Okay. And other people's consciences?
SG: We don't really take a stand on those.
PV: I see.
SG: Except, you know, if they agree with Joe's. Then we're in favor.
PV: And if they disagree...
SG: ...then they're left-wing extremists.
PV: I see.
SG: Any other issues you'd like to know about? Like our stand on not really being kissed by Bush, or on being mean to the President?
PV: No, thanks.
SG: Because we're against that last one.
PV: Really, I think I've heard enough.
SG: So, you'll be signing?
PV: Gee, I don't think so. But best of luck.
SG: Did I mention the New Republic endorsement?....Okay, well, goodbye I guess.
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