This is the time of year when some people feel compelled to make predictions. (Oddly enough, this even includes some people who have no future.) Fascinating.
It strikes me as highly irrational to make representations about events that have not yet occurred. One might as well place wagers on sporting events1. Rather than pretend to know things about which I don't have the slightest idea (nor does anyone else), I'm posting a list of what should happen in 2006--what would happen if I ran the zoo2: - Rove is indicted on 37 counts including perjury, obstruction, and violation of the Espionage Act. Bush tells a press conference he is positive Rove is 'not guilty', keeps Rove on as domestic policy advisor. Bush's approval rating hovers at 32%.
- Disgruntled California wingnuts mount a third-party challenge to Governor Schwarzenegger.
- In an amazing Ripley's-style coincidence, the aggregate prison sentence for all congressional and administration Republicans prosecuted this year is...2,006 years!
- Michelle Malkin is detained at the airport and mistakenly shipped to Guantanamo by screeners on the alert for a Filipino al Qaeda operative with a similar name.
- Bush campaigns in every state for Republican incumbents. The incumbents themselves do not appear at Bush's events, and claim not to have been informed of them. "Bush who?" says Senator Lincoln Chafee of Connecticut. "Name doesn't ring a bell."
- John Hinderaker is disbarred after it is revealed that he falsified his educational background, and never actually attended Harvard or any other law school. Hinderaker continues to write for Powerline, and continues to refer to his law practice and degree from Harvard.
- Governor Schwarzenegger breaks into tears during a live press conference, calling repeatedly for his 'mommy' until he is hustled away by his handlers.
- After a nasty court battle, Jonah Goldberg is forced to share royalties on his latest book with the readers who did his research.
- The Department of Homeland Security announces a total of 27 Orange Alerts in 2006, plus one Red Alert on October 30. Bush's approval ratings drop slightly after each alert.
- The election is a catastrophic defeat for Republicans in Congress. Among those losing their seats to Democratic challengers are Representatives Richard Pombo, Marilyn Musgrave, Jean Schmidt, and Tom DeLay (who ran while his case was on appeal); and Senators Rick Santorum, Conrad Burns, Mike DeWine, and Joe Lieberman.
- Schwarzenegger winds up in fourth place on election day, after Phil Angelides, Bob Dornan, and Medea Benjamin.
- Maria Schriver files for divorce.
And finally, two completely non-snarky items:- Universal greenlights Serenity II & III.
- George R. R. Martin publishes A Dance with Dragons.
1I am told there are people who actually do this.
2This post should not be taken as a representation that any of the events listed will happen. This is not, repeat not, a set of predictions.
[That's all, folks]
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