Democrats Cave, Win GOP Support of Health Care Plan

Democrats have gutted their health care plan of its key components in a bid to placate Republicans and win bipartisan support. Some of the progressive ideas removed from the plan include: Euthanizing your grandmother, nationalizing hospitals, government-subsidized abortion on demand, unlimited free health care for illegal immigrants, and government control of your bank accounts.

With these concessions having been made, I trust that we can now move forward on health care reform with a broad, bipartisan consensus. Blue Dogs and Republicans, you can now rest easy knowing that the concerns of the town hall protesters have been met. While the progressive dream of a nation in which old people are slaughtered to pay for the abortions of ACORN-employed illegal immigrants will again have to be deferred, we are willing to settle for a bill without these measures in the name of bipartisanship.

[credit: Stroszek at The Daily Kos]

Who Is The Real Joe McCain?

[News item: John McCain's brother Joe, stuck in traffic, calls 911]

911 Dispatcher: 911. State your emergency.

Caller: The wheels are coming off the [expletive] bus!

911 Dispatcher: Has there been an accident?

Caller: No, it's no accident; Mom always liked him best...

911 Dispatcher: Sir, please state the nature of your emergency.

Caller: I'm stuck in traffic! You'd think after buying $150,000 worth of clothes for that trailer-park trollop and arranging for Cindy to get her own cell tower, he could at least helicopter me out of here!

911 Dispatcher: Sir, 911 is for emergencies only.

Caller: It is an emergency! Don't you know what's going to happen to my taxes if That One gets into office?

911 Dispatcher: Sir, as one of the 95%, I hardly think--

Caller: Don't you know who I am? I'm Joe The Plumb--, I mean Joe McCain! Damn!

911 Dispatcher: Sir, are you the Joe McCain who works at Kelly's Roast Beef on Revere Beach and keeps calling 911 about the sea monsters?

Caller: [expletive] you! (hangs up)

911 Dispatcher: 911. State your emergency.

Caller: Hello, I’m calling for John McCain and the RNC, because you need to know that Barack Obama has worked closely with domestic terrorist Bill Ayers, whose organization bombed the US Capitol, the Pentagon...

[cross-posted at Blue Mass Group]

Just ANSWER THE GODDAMN QUESTION ALREADY!!

So I'm at my son's soccer game, and I turn to one of the other parents and say, "How do you feel about the economy?" And she says, "I don't really want to answer that question, but I do want to point out that you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig."

Later, I'm at the gas station, and my buddy [Generic Working-Class Hero's Name Here] is fillin' up his tank, fer gosh sakes, and I ask him, "How much does it cost to fill up your tank?"; and he says to me, he says, "Well, I'm not going to answer that, but by the way, it's 'nuke-LEE-ur', not 'nuke-YOU-lur', you moron. You can pronounce Ahmadinejad, but not nuclear?"

Back when Track was takin' the SAT's, see, he gets to the question where it says, "Diagram the following sentence attributed to the governor of Alaska...", and he takes out his number-two pencil and writes between the little circles, "That's an interesting question, but did you know that evolution is just a theory?"

Gwen Ifill: "Governor Palin, do you have any respect at all for this forum, its rules, the American people who want to know what your views and capabilities are, or the serious, important process you are engaged in? And exactly how far up your ass is your head, anyway? You have two minutes to respond."

Joe Biden, interrupting: "...and can you still see Russia from up there?"

Sarah Palin: "Well, you know, Gwen, I'd really rather correct the record on this taxes thing..."

This Explains Everything

HT: HumboldtBlue

All Is Made Clear...This Explains Everything

McCain Refuses to Denounce McCain; Cites Unspecified 'Disagreements'

WASHINGTON, DC--Amid criticism of Senator John McCain for comments suggesting Hamas is supporting Barack Obama, Senator John McCain today stood by McCain, refusing to renounce McCain's support.

"Obviously John and I don't agree on everything," McCain said. "I value his support, but he's his own man."

Asked if McCain's comment about Hamas' support for Obama was one such disagreement, McCain declined to comment, adding, "I want a respectful campaign, that's all I'll say."

Pressed on whether he regretted accepting McCain's endorsement, McCain grew testy. "I don't have anything more to say about that. I didn't go to McCain's church for 20 years"--a reference to recent controversy about Obama's relationship with Rev. Wright.

When a reporter then asked whether this signaled a plan to use Wright as a campaign issue, McCain shot back, "I didn't say that, McCain said that. I can't be held responsible for everything McCain says."

Today's incident fueled speculation that McCain, viewed by many as a loose cannon with an explosive temper, could prove a liability to McCain. According to Larry Smithfield, professor of political science at Northern Mojave Community College in Randsburg, California, "it's only a matter of time before Mcain says or does something that totally sinks McCain."

Cable news analyst Osgood Slattery disagreed. "He's weathered this sort of thing before, and it never really gets him into any trouble. His primary opponents tried to use it against him, hitting him for the fact that McCain opposed Bush's tax cuts. More recently, the Democrats tried to get some mileage out of McCain being cozy with lobbyists, saying 'what is this supposed straight-shooter McCain doing palling around with a sleazeball like McCain?' So far, it hasn't made a dent. The media seem to be willing to give him a pass--they're saying, 'oh, that's the other McCain'."

Jedi Fascism: The Readers Respond

Response to Jedi Fascism has been extremely gratifying. Sure, the same old bleeding-heart pro-Jedi types are trotting out the same tired, predictable attacks on me and the book--but here's the thing: they haven't read it. It isn't even due out until next year 2010. How can you slam a book you haven't even read? If somebody wrote a book in favor of intelligent design, or arguing that the earth is flat, would it make sense to dismiss it without first seeing what the arguments are? Of course not.

Happily, there are more positive comments than negative, and they are far more thoughtful and serious. Early blog reviews are particularly encouraging: Daniel Wolf calls it "a brilliant and timely analysis of Jedi politics", and The United States of Jamerica says "'Jedi Fascism' would actually be an interesting book."

My reader e-mails are also a great source of encouragement and unpaid research helpful information. Here's one:

It's about time someone got to the bottom of this. I took one look at Carrie Fisher's hairdo in the first film (just called Star Wars for you youngsters out there), and thought her name should be Helga. There's your smoking gun right there.

Leia, She-Wolf of the SS? Sounds plausible to me.

Another reader e-mails:

You should also check out Jonathan Last's defense of the Empire. Last makes some of the same points you make, and also argues that Palpatine is a "relatively benign dictator" like...Pinochet.

Last makes a point similar to my own:

In "Attack of the Clones"...Count Dooku leads a separatist movement of planets that want to secede from the Republic. Dooku promises these confederates smaller government, unlimited free trade, and an "absolute commitment to capitalism"....The Republic, of course, is eager to quash these separatists, but they never make a compelling case--or any case, for that matter--as to why, if they are such a freedom-loving regime, these planets should not be allowed to check out of the Republic and take control of their own destinies.

They hate freedom and capitalism...hey, who does that remind you of?

Some comments are pithier but no less insightful:

The storm trooper is the Jew of Jedi fascism.

That is definitely going into the book.

Another reader makes a great point:

Mind control powers. Seriously ... how can you defend THAT?

When you watch old newsreel footage of Hitler, it's almost as if he has...wait for it...mind control powers. Coincidence?

Yet another reader corrects the record:

Alderaan was "liberated," get it straight!

True, but I'm sure the MoveOn crowd doesn't see it that way. To them, it's a 'criminal act of aggression'--and maybe even a 'quagmire', at that.

The same reader also notes that Emperor Palpatine is exactly like Dick Cheney, and as a charter member of the Dick Cheney fan club, I think that's an excellent analogy. Because at a time when everybody talks a big game about how they don't like people-pleasing politicians who live by the polls, Palpatine is pretty much the only guy out there who walks the walk. He truly doesn't care what people think about him. I love that.

Anyway, thanks for all the great comments--keep 'em coming! I wish I could credit all of you when the book comes out, but that would be a lot of work. Just know that I am really, really grateful.

Mitt Reinvents Himself Again

Last week, he was "Mr. Fixit". Maybe for the next round he'll be "The Guy That Made The Entire Commonwealth of Massachusetts Bend Over And Grab Its Ankles".

---

Jedi Fascism

The first time I saw Star Wars¹, I was dissatisfied with the sketchy portrayal of the Rebel Alliance. What was their program? If they succeeded in their rebellion, how would they govern? Did they have any core beliefs other than mere opposition to the Empire? The movie was nearly silent (nearly!) on these important issues; we, the audience, were expected to root for the Rebels based on nothing more than heavy-handed semiotics.

I say nearly silent because there is a disturbing clue at the very end of the movie: the final scene, in which the putative heroes are awarded their medals, is a direct visual lift from Triumph of the Will. This shocking turnabout calls into question everything that comes before it--or rather should have called into question, because it seems to have been lost on all but a few discerning viewers.

I didn't give this much thought over the years...until recently, when I learned that everything I know about liberalism is wrong². Maybe now, I thought, the public would be ready to revisit the all-important question surrounding Star Wars³: who were the real totalitarians?

Surprisingly, the deeper I delved, the more evidence I found confirming my unorthodox conclusions. Among other things, I learned that:

• Arch-villain Darth Vader, in his youth, espoused beliefs almost exactly like those of the Jedi;


• Like 20th-century Fascists, the Jedi had a deep-seated hostility toward free trade--as evidenced by their military action against the Trade Federation;


• Despite their professed opposition to Emperor Palpatine, the Jedi Council worked for him at one time; and


• The Jedi considered themselves a sort of 'master race' marked by superior blood ("midichlorians"), just like Hitler.

All of the above and more are explored in detail and with great care in my forthcoming book, Jedi Fascism: the Totalitarian Temptation from Midichlorians to Mace Windu from Ewoks to Alderan from Jar-Jar Binks to the Death Star (publication date: December 2008 May 2009 eventually). This will be a thorough, compehensive, painstakingly researched and incisively argued account that should settle the question once and for all about who was the real 'Empire'.

In the meantime, though, I'm still doing research for the book, so if any of you Star Wars⁴ experts out there (regardless of ideological affiliation) could provide additional examples, I'd certainly appreciate it.



¹i.e., Star Wars Episode 4: A New Hope.
²Apparently liberals are really fascists and fascists are really liberals, or maybe it's the other way around.
³i.e., the whole 6-film Star Wars series.
⁴See Footnote 3.

World War III Averted -- What Now?

Now that Bush and Cheney's favorite toy has been taken away, what will the White House do to occupy themselves during the rest of their (incredibly lame-duck) term?

These are my suggestions:

1. Help repair the Republican Party's future prospects by requiring the redesign of stalls in every Midwestern airport's men's rooms.

2. Purge the Supreme Court of those annoying judicial activists that don't pass the Bat Boy litmus test (teach the controversy!).
3. Bring federal resources to bear in the ongoing search for the real killer of Nicole Simpson.

4. Learn to correctly pronounce the names of any three Middle East heads of state.

5. Keep an eye on the twins by offering Ozzy and Rob Zombie the use of Air Force One on their U.S. tour, in exchange for backstage passes.

Yours?

[cross-posted at Blue Mass Group]

Study Finds: Republicans Dismiss Studies They Don't Like

This is interesting:

Exploring the neurobiology of politics, scientists have found that Republicans tend to dismiss scientific studies whose results challenge Republican orthodoxy.

In a simple experiment reported today in the journal Nature Neuroscience, scientists at New York University and UCLA show that political orientation is related to differences in how the brain processes information. Self-identified liberals and Republicans were given a set of abstracts from scientific studies that tended to undermine either liberal or Republican expectations.

The researchers found that the liberal subjects were willing to consider modifying their beliefs based on scientific evidence, while the Republicans rejected any non-conforming studies out of hand....

The reaction of Republican bloggers was swift and uniformly negative.

Jammie Wearing Fool called it the "dumbest research report ever". Jonah Goldberg dismissed it as "unpersuasive" and "craptacular nonsense". "Only an idiot would claim that we dismiss studies we don't agree with", he added.

Some Republican bloggers suggested alternate, more positive explanations for the results. A commenter at Althouse said Republicans "have better things to do with our time than consider the possibility that we might be wrong." According to Jules Crittenden, "this just shows that liberals adhere to a rigid dogma called 'open-mindedness', while Republicans are open to the possibility that rigid dogmatism might be right."

The Wave of the Future?

Detroit (f-A-ke. P.) -

Chrysler Chief Sees Link of Housing to Car Sales

Chrysler's new chief, Robert L. Nardelli is concerned that problems in the housing market and the broader economy are hurting car and truck sales. So today he announced an new initiative designed to stimulate flagging sales:

Today Chrysler is launching the 'Live In Your Car America!' campaign.

Wouldn't you like to have a beautiful new Chrysler 300 rather than a squalid closet in Hell's Kitchen? We're just saying to Americans, don't worry about those foreclosure notices. Don't worry about skyrocketing prices or plunging values. Sell your house and buy a Durango. We'll even throw in a free mattress and a shaver attachment. Your kids will love with our built-in entertainment systems. The only thing we can't provide is a toilet, but hey...that's what truck stops are for, right?

It comes down to this: When you think housing, we want you to think 'Chrysler'! Because, let's face it, a 30 years fixed-rate on a Town & Country is gonna give you a very affordable payment.

Tags: Chrysler, Robert Nardelli, satire, economy, housing

How I Learned to Start Worrying...

With the Prezdint invoking images of nuclear holocaust and B-52s with nuclear warheads flying overhead, this might be the week to dig up Dr. Strangelove (full title: Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb) and watch it, especially if you've never seen it, and maybe even if you have.

The dark humor of this film was at least partly derived from the possibility that the plot's bizarre scenario could actually play out in reality. For anyone who hasn't seen it, a B-52 with a nuclear warhead is sent on its mission, when the zany (but plausible) sequence of events brings the U.S. and the U.S.S.R. to the brink, and can't be called back. The context back then was that Mutually Assured Destruction (M.A.D., doncha love it?) was the policy of the time. Except for the fictitious "Doomsday Machine", everything referenced in the film, from the B-52s to the "red phone" and the drunken, bellicose Soviet Premier, was part of our Cold War reality.

I was not just a Cold War kid by virtue of age; we lived in Dayton, Ohio, when nearby Wright-Patterson Air Force Base was a major operations and R&D center for the Strategic Air Command. It seemed like there were always military aircraft overhead, and the occasional sonic boom, far from being an annoyance, was an exciting reminder that we were only fifteen years into the supersonic age. Although the evidence suggests that some of those planes overhead had nuclear weapons aboard, if anything, it was supposed to make us feel safer; the normalization of insane concepts like MAD was a primary feature of Cold War living, just like the acceptance today that the risk of a terrorist attack far outweighs any other concern.

From the AP:

According to the officials, the weapons are designed with multiple safety features that ensure the warheads don't accidentally detonate. Arming the weapons requires a number of stringent protocols and authentication codes that must be followed for detonation.

From the cockpit of the rogue B-52, you see the frozen Arctic landscape screaming by at 500 mph, only 50 feet below (to avoid Soviet radar), as the crew goes through the checklist of decoding their orders, going through it again when they realize it's an order to drop The Big One on a Russian city.

Major T.J. "King" Kong, pilot/mission commander (played by Slim Pickens): "Well, I've been to one world fair, a picnic, and a rodeo, and that's the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones. You sure you got today's codes?"

From the AP:

"Nothing like this has ever been reported before and we have been assured for decades that it was impossible," said [Ed] Markey, D-Mass., co-chair of the House task force on nonproliferation.

From the film:

President Merkin Muffley: "General Turgidson! When you instituted the human reliability tests, you *assured* me there was *no* possibility of such a thing *ever* occurring!"

General "Buck" Turgidson: "Well, I, uh, don't think it's quite fair to condemn a whole program because of a single slip-up, sir."

Meanwhile, back in the cockpit...

Slim Pickens as Major "King" Kong again: "Well, boys, I reckon this is it - nuclear combat toe to toe with the Roosskies."

Of course, by the time the situation in Moscow and D.C. is defused, the equipment on which they would have received their callback order has been rendered inoperable by anti-aircraft missiles...

Nowadays there would be some interesting parallels between the characters in our own American tragicomedy of the last few years and the film's characters -- several of whom were played by Peter Sellers, including Dr. Strangelove (who will remind many of Donald Rumsfeld) and the president (who, because he is the voice of reason in the film, should not remind anyone of someone, if you know what I mean).

And to piggyback on Tom's post from earlier today, the plot pits the NARL's against the RL's in a way that should send chills of recognition up any thinking American's spine.

Rent Dr. Strangelove and see it before you wake up one of these mornings to find we're living it. The propaganda runup to war with Iran starts this week.

Kvatch's Kocktail Hour - Machiavelli's Mojito

It's Friday and time once again for Kvatch's Kocktail Hour. This afternoon we honor Karl Rove with a drink created by the great man himself:

Machiavelli's Mojito

- 2 oz lime juice
- 2 oz rum
- 2 oz club soda
- Hemlock leaves, crushed

Popular at White House parties honoring the Democratic congressional leadership.

Check out Rove on the Rocks at Blognonymous and The Enduring Majority at The Unruly Mob.

Kvatch's Kocktail Hour - The Pacemaker

Once again it's Friday and time for Kvatch's Kocktail Hour. This afternoon we honor Vice President Coronary with a drink concocted especially for him:

The Pacemaker

- 4 parts mescal (complete with a low-fat worm)
- 1 part butane
- Stir very...VERY gently

If this doesn't give your ticker a jolt, nothing will.

Check out some other cocktails at Blognonymous and The Unruly Mob.

Kvatch's Kocktail Hour - The Harriet Miers

The GOP has had a hard week. The DC Madam, executive privilege, Friday the 13th. But let's not kick 'em while they're down. Let's lift one in their honor, and I've got just the thing for an embittered minority party:

The Harriet Miers:

- 5 parts vodka infused with collard greens
- 1 part Absinthe

The only drink more bitter than the former Supreme Court nominee.

More drinks at Blognonymous and The Unruly Mob.

Bush to Name Corruption Czar

WASHINGTON, April 13 - Admitting that corruption is "not going as smoothly as we'd like", White House spokesman Scott Stanzel announced today that Bush plans to name a high-powered 'corruption czar' to oversee all aspects of corruption in the executive branch. Stanzel acknowledged public disapprovel of the administration's corruption efforts, and said the new post is the centerpiece of a plan to "get corruption back on track."

Stanzel tried to emphasize the positive aspects of creating the post, noting the growing importance of corruption under the Bush administration. The federal corruption budget has expanded by 17,000% since early 2001, and insiders estimate that at least 47% of the executive branch payroll currently works full-time on corruption.

Still, in response to reporter's questions, Stanzel admitted that all is not well, a rare admission of fallibility by this administration.

"We have, what, 30 or 40 separate scandals, with essentially no coordination between them," Stanzel said. "That's the kind of situation where people make mistakes."

Asked for examples of mistakes, Stanzel cited White House staffers' use of Republican National Committee e-mail accounts for official business. "That should never have happened," Stanzel said. "The press never should have learned about it, and if we had the right systems in place, they wouldn't have."

Stanzel also emphasized that the corruption czar would help to resolve inter-departmental tensions in the administration.

"We'd like to avoid another Carol Lam situation," Stanzel said. "We've got people like Dusty Foggo over here, and we've got people in the DOJ over there, and if you think about it they're all working on corruption, but the problem is they're not working together. That's the kind of situation we're trying to avoid."

"Corruption is just too important for us to have a divided team," he added.

Asked about the adiminstration's difficulty finding a 'war czar', Stanzel said they expected no such problem with the 'corruption czar' post. "Applicants are literally lining up around the block," he added. He refused to name any possible candidates; early speculation revolves around former Representative Tom DeLay and former lobbyist Jack Abramoff.

Stanzel refused to comment when asked if Bush planned to pardon Abramoff to make him eligible for the job.

The War Against 'Bless You'

[Yes, it's a lazy-ass repost from last December. Hey, nobody in their right mind does any real work this week. This, by the way, is a parody transcript, in case there's any confusion.]

Excerpt of transcript from The O'Reilly Factor, January 13, 2007:

O'REILLY: "Factor Investigation" segment tonight: The Christmas season is barely over, and already the ACLU and George Soros have opened a new front in their war to get Christianity and spirituality and Judaism out of the public square. Now they want to control what you can say when somebody sneezes.

With us now, William Donohue, head of the Catholic League for Civil Rights. Pleasure to have you here, Bill.

DONOHUE: Thank you, Bill.

O'REILLY: Now, I understand the latest attack of the secular agenda, they actually have Wal-Mart, one of the largest retailers in the country, telling its employees not to say 'bless you' when a customer sneezes.

DONOHUE: That's right, Bill. Wal-Mart has a policy now that if somebody sneezes, you have to say 'gesundheit', you're not allowed to say 'bless you'. And I think it shows just how extreme anti-Christian bigotry has become in this country that they would do this.

O'REILLY: And I think we should talk about the source--

DONOHUE: Absolutely.

O'REILLY: Because this is an O'Reilly factor exclusive, we are breaking a story here that nobody in the mainstream media has the guts to touch. So tell our viewers about how you discovered this.

DONOHUE: Well, I got it in an e-mail. And I got the same e-mail from several different sources, so that's independent confirmation.

O'REILLY: Sounds rock solid to me.

DONOHUE: I think so.

O'REILLY: Now in the interest of fairness, not that the ACLU would ever care about being fair. But we have a standard here. This is the no spin zone. And in fairness to Wal-Mart, I should point out that they are denying they have this policy.

DONOHUE: Of course they deny it.

O'REILLY: Of course. Because they know it makes them look terrible. They're not going to admit it.

DONOHUE: Absolutely. But, I've got the e-mail that says they do.

O'REILLY: You've got them dead to rights.

DONOHUE: And what they're doing here, let's be clear about this. They're not only violating the rights of Wal-Mart employees, their right to religious expression.

O'REILLY: Uh-huh.

DONOHUE: Because of course it's a deeply held belief in the Catholic church that your soul leaves your body briefly when you sneeze, and that's why we say 'bless you'. But they're not only violating their employees' rights, they're violating the rights of their customers.

O'REILLY: Because when you say 'gesundheit' to someone, you're mocking their beliefs.

DONOHUE: Yes, Bill, but it goes beyond that. You're saying they have no right to those beliefs. When you say 'gesundheit' to someone you're violating their right to religious expression, because you're saying they have no right to say 'bless you'.

O'REILLY: Good point. But I think there's another angle to this that it's important to bring up. Which is that, we're at war here. This is a war, I know it's not politically correct to say this, but this is a war between the Christians and the Islamofascists.

DONOHUE: Absolutely.

O'REILLY: And when you declare war on the Christians, that means you're on the side of the terrorists. And the ACLU, it's no coincidence, they're trying to get terrorists set free and they're trying to suppress religious expression, and it's all part of the same thing.

DONOHUE: Right.

O'REILLY: They're on the side of the terrorists, and everything they do makes sense once you understand that.

And speaking of on the side of the terrorists, I have another O'Reilly Factor exclusive here, and I got this in an e-mail. And this e-mail, this was forwarded several times before it got to me, and you know, a lot of people were copied on it, so people have had a chance to check it out. And as far as I know, nobody has been able to disprove it. So this is a very reliable source we're talking about.

And this reliable source tells me that the city of Berkeley, California, the Berkeley City Council, has voted to make it illegal to say 'bless you' when somebody sneezes.

DONOHUE: That is appalling.

O'REILLY: Well, I can't say I'm surprised. This is Berkeley we're talking about. But it is, they have clearly gone too far this time.

DONOHUE: Of course.

O'REILLY: And you know, if I'm Jesus, I walk right into Sproul Plaza, I set up my little pulpit, and I say, "Listen, citizens of Berkeley, if you don't want Our divine protection, fine. You want to be your own atheist hippy commune? You want to be on the side of the terrorists and the ACLU? Go right ahead."

And if Al Zarqawi comes in here and blows you up, We're not going to do anything about it. We're going to say, look, every other place in America, Our chosen country, is off limits to you, except Berkeley. You want to blow up Telegraph Avenue? Go ahead.

DONOHUE: I think that's what Jesus would do.

O'REILLY: You want to plant a high-powered explosive device in a crowd and kill hundreds of hippy communists, you want to spray the street with limbs and bone fragments and viscera and brain matter and internal organs, I say go ahead.

DONOHUE: Amen.

O'REILLY: Because, I mean, these people, these 'gesundheit' people are sriking at the heart of what makes America great. And I know it's not politically correct to say this, but this is the No Spin Zone, so I'll go ahead, this is a Christian nation.

DONOHUE: The founding fathers were deeply religious people.

O'REILLY: That's absolutely right. And this, this 'gesundheit' instead of 'bless you', what does that even mean? It's German for 'health' or something. Can you imagine that? Can you imagine going around yelling 'Health!' at people who sneeze? It's idiotic. It's all part of the dumbing-down of sneezing. I mean, what kind of person would say that?

DONOHUE: Well, I'm sorry to say I know exactly what kind of person. Now, I don't want to go into the sordid details, but it's no coincidence that 'gesundheit' comes to us from German.

O'REILLY: I see where you're heading with this. Go on.

DONOHUE: Well, remember that the first thing the Nazis did when they came to power was pass a law making it illegal to say 'bless you'.

O'REILLY: Like the Nazis in Berkeley.

DONOHUE: Exactly. The very first thing they did was outlaw religious expression, just as the secular Jews are trying to do today.

O'REILLY: And yet, most people, I wish they taught this in history classes because I would bet you most people don't even know that.

DONOHUE: They don't. But when you do, it all comes together. You see the big picture.

O'REILLY: Which is?

DONOHUE: That secular Jews are once again trying to exterminate the Christian race.

O'REILY: Exactly.

DONOHUE: Just like they tried to do in the 1930s in Germany.

O'REILLY: That's right. And I think we have the right to resist by any means necessary.

DONOHUE: Absolutely.

O'REILLY: Including the use of physical violence against someone who says 'gesundheit' to you?

DONOHUE: Well now, as a professional Catholic, I'm very reluctant to endorse the use of violence.

O'REILLY: Uh-huh.

DONOHUE: But, yes.

O'REILLY: It's self-defense.

DONOHUE: Absolutely.

O'REILLY: Bill, I want to thank you for coming on The O'Reilly Factor, I think this segment has opened up a lot of eyes out there.

DONOHUE: I hope so.

O'REILLY: And you can be confident that Fox is going to follow this story wherever it takes us. We're not dropping the ball on this one.

Thanks, and good night.

[That's all, folks]

Lieberman Gathers Signatures

Scene in front of the Ferry Building:

SIGNATURE GATHERER: Excuse me, would you like to sign a petition to help get our party on the ballot?
POTENTIAL VOTER: Well, maybe. What party is it?
SG: It's the Connecticut for Lieberman Party.
PV: Um...but this is California.
SG: Yes, but we think our platform is one that deserves a hearing in all 50 states.
PV: Uh-huh.
SG: We're really excited about this. We feel that the Connecticut for Lieberman Party offers a genuine, sensible alternative to the occasionally misguided policies of the Republicans and the psychotic left-wing extremism of the Democrats.
PV: Okay...so what is the platform of the, uh, Connecticut for Lieberman Party?
SG: Lieberman.
PV: ...?
SG: Well, more specifically, Joe Lieberman.
PV: Um...right. And you're also for, let me guess, Connecticut?
SG: Well, actually Joe Lieberman is for just about all the states. He hasn't taken a stand on Alabama yet, he's still looking into it, but basically he's in favor of all of them.
PV: Glad to hear it.
SG: So the 'Connecticut' thing is kind of poetic license.
PV: So this is just all about Joe Lieberman, then? There isn't anything more to it?
SG: I'm not getting your point.
PV: Well, I mean, it's a political party, right? You must have stands on all the important issues.
SG: Oh, yes, we do.
PV: Okay.
SG: We're completely opposed to primary challengers.
PV: Primary challengers...for Joe.
SG: That's right. It may not be a popular stand, but it's a principled stand. Principled--just like Joe.
PV: But what about other issues like...oh, I don't know...just to pick one out of the air...Iraq?
SG: I'm glad you brought that up. As a matter of principle, we are firmly and unequivocally in favor of Joe Lieberman's conscience.
PV: Okay. And other people's consciences?
SG: We don't really take a stand on those.
PV: I see.
SG: Except, you know, if they agree with Joe's. Then we're in favor.
PV: And if they disagree...
SG: ...then they're left-wing extremists.
PV: I see.
SG: Any other issues you'd like to know about? Like our stand on not really being kissed by Bush, or on being mean to the President?
PV: No, thanks.
SG: Because we're against that last one.
PV: Really, I think I've heard enough.
SG: So, you'll be signing?
PV: Gee, I don't think so. But best of luck.
SG: Did I mention the New Republic endorsement?....Okay, well, goodbye I guess.

[That's all, folks]

The War Against 'Bless You'

Excerpt of transcript from The O'Reilly Factor, January 13, 2006:

O'REILLY: "Factor Investigation" segment tonight: The Christmas season is barely over, and already the ACLU and George Soros have opened a new front in their war to get Christianity and spirituality and Judaism out of the public square. Now they want to control what you can say when somebody sneezes.

With us now, William Donohue, head of the Catholic League for Civil Rights. Pleasure to have you here, Bill.

DONOHUE: Thank you, Bill.

O'REILLY: Now, I understand the latest attack of the secular agenda, they actually have Wal-Mart, one of the largest retailers in the country, telling its employees not to say 'bless you' when a customer sneezes.

DONOHUE: That's right, Bill. Wal-Mart has a policy now that if somebody sneezes, you have to say 'gesundheit', you're not allowed to say 'bless you'. And I think it shows just how extreme anti-Christian bigotry has become in this country that they would do this.

O'REILLY: And I think we should talk about the source--

DONOHUE: Absolutely.

O'REILLY: Because this is an O'Reilly factor exclusive, we are breaking a story here that nobody in the mainstream media has the guts to touch. So tell our viewers about how you discovered this.

DONOHUE: Well, I got it in an e-mail. And I got the same e-mail from several different sources, so that's independent confirmation.

O'REILLY: Sounds rock solid to me.

DONOHUE: I think so.

O'REILLY: Now in the interest of fairness, not that the ACLU would ever care about being fair. But we have a standard here. This is the no spin zone. And in fairness to Wal-Mart, I should point out that they are denying they have this policy.

DONOHUE: Of course they deny it.

O'REILLY: Of course. Because they know it makes them look terrible. They're not going to admit it.

DONOHUE: Absolutely. But, I've got the e-mail that says they do.

O'REILLY: You've got them dead to rights.

DONOHUE: And what they're doing here, let's be clear about this. They're not only violating the rights of Wal-Mart employees, their right to religious expression.

O'REILLY: Uh-huh.

DONOHUE: Because of course it's a deeply held belief in the Catholic church that your soul leaves your body briefly when you sneeze, and that's why we say 'bless you'. But they're not only violating their employees' rights, they're violating the rights of their customers.

O'REILLY: Because when you say 'gesundheit' to someone, you're mocking their beliefs.

DONOHUE: Yes, Bill, but it goes beyond that. You're saying they have no right to those beliefs. When you say 'gesundheit' to someone you're violating their right to religious expression, because you're saying they have no right to say 'bless you'.

O'REILLY: Good point. But I think there's another angle to this that it's important to bring up. Which is that, we're at war here. This is a war, I know it's not politically correct to say this, but this is a war between the Christians and the Islamofascists.

DONOHUE: Absolutely.

O'REILLY: And when you declare war on the Christians, that means you're on the side of the terrorists. And the ACLU, it's no coincidence, they're trying to get terrorists set free and they're trying to suppress religious expression, and it's all part of the same thing.

DONOHUE: Right.

O'REILLY: They're on the side of the terrorists, and everything they do makes sense once you understand that.

And speaking of on the side of the terrorists, I have another O'Reilly Factor exclusive here, and I got this in an e-mail. And this e-mail, this was forwarded several times before it got to me, and you know, a lot of people were copied on it, so people have had a chance to check it out. And as far as I know, nobody has been able to disprove it. So this is a very reliable source we're talking about.

And this reliable source tells me that the city of Berkeley, California, the Berkeley City Council, has voted to make it illegal to say 'bless you' when somebody sneezes.

DONOHUE: That is appalling.

O'REILLY: Well, I can't say I'm surprised. This is Berkeley we're talking about. But it is, they have clearly gone too far this time.

DONOHUE: Of course.

O'REILLY: And you know, if I'm Jesus, I walk right into Sproul Plaza, I set up my little pulpit, and I say, "Listen, citizens of Berkeley, if you don't want Our divine protection, fine. You want to be your own atheist hippy commune? You want to be on the side of the terrorists and the ACLU? Go right ahead."

And if Al Zarqawi comes in here and blows you up, We're not going to do anything about it. We're going to say, look, every other place in America, Our chosen country, is off limits to you, except Berkeley. You want to blow up Telegraph Avenue? Go ahead.

DONOHUE: I think that's what Jesus would do.

O'REILLY: You want to plant a high-powered explosive device in a crowd and kill hundreds of hippy communists, you want to spray the street with limbs and bone fragments and viscera and brain matter and internal organs, I say go ahead.

DONOHUE: Amen.

O'REILLY: Because, I mean, these people, these 'gesundheit' people are sriking at the heart of what makes America great. And I know it's not politically correct to say this, but this is the No Spin Zone, so I'll go ahead, this is a Christian nation.

DONOHUE: The founding fathers were deeply religious people.

O'REILLY: That's absolutely right. And this, this 'gesundheit' instead of 'bless you', what does that even mean? It's German for 'health' or something. Can you imagine that? Can you imagine going around yelling 'Health!' at people who sneeze? It's idiotic. It's all part of the dumbing-down of sneezing. I mean, what kind of person would say that?

DONOHUE: Well, I'm sorry to say I know exactly what kind of person. Now, I don't want to go into the sordid details, but it's no coincidence that 'gesundheit' comes to us from German.

O'REILLY: I see where you're heading with this. Go on.

DONOHUE: Well, remember that the first thing the Nazis did when they came to power was pass a law making it illegal to say 'bless you'.

O'REILLY: Like the Nazis in Berkeley.

DONOHUE: Exactly. The very first thing they did was outlaw religious expression, just as the secular Jews are trying to do today.

O'REILLY: And yet, most people, I wish they taught this in history classes because I would bet you most people don't even know that.

DONOHUE: They don't. But when you do, it all comes together. You see the big picture.

O'REILLY: Which is?

DONOHUE: That secular Jews are once again trying to exterminate the Christian race.

O'REILY: Exactly.

DONOHUE: Just like they tried to do in the 1930s in Germany.

O'REILLY: That's right. And I think we have the right to resist by any means necessary.

DONOHUE: Absolutely.

O'REILLY: Including the use of physical violence against someone who says 'gesundheit' to you?

DONOHUE: Well now, as a professional Catholic, I'm very reluctant to endorse the use of violence.

O'REILLY: Uh-huh.

DONOHUE: But, yes.

O'REILLY: It's self-defense.

DONOHUE: Absolutely.

O'REILLY: Bill, I want to thank you for coming on The O'Reilly Factor, I think this segment has opened up a lot of eyes out there.

DONOHUE: I hope so.

O'REILLY: And you can be confident that Fox is going to follow this story wherever it takes us. We're not dropping the ball on this one.

Thanks, and good night.

[That's all, folks]