Friday, April 13, 2007

Bush to Name Corruption Czar

WASHINGTON, April 13 - Admitting that corruption is "not going as smoothly as we'd like", White House spokesman Scott Stanzel announced today that Bush plans to name a high-powered 'corruption czar' to oversee all aspects of corruption in the executive branch. Stanzel acknowledged public disapprovel of the administration's corruption efforts, and said the new post is the centerpiece of a plan to "get corruption back on track."

Stanzel tried to emphasize the positive aspects of creating the post, noting the growing importance of corruption under the Bush administration. The federal corruption budget has expanded by 17,000% since early 2001, and insiders estimate that at least 47% of the executive branch payroll currently works full-time on corruption.

Still, in response to reporter's questions, Stanzel admitted that all is not well, a rare admission of fallibility by this administration.

"We have, what, 30 or 40 separate scandals, with essentially no coordination between them," Stanzel said. "That's the kind of situation where people make mistakes."

Asked for examples of mistakes, Stanzel cited White House staffers' use of Republican National Committee e-mail accounts for official business. "That should never have happened," Stanzel said. "The press never should have learned about it, and if we had the right systems in place, they wouldn't have."

Stanzel also emphasized that the corruption czar would help to resolve inter-departmental tensions in the administration.

"We'd like to avoid another Carol Lam situation," Stanzel said. "We've got people like Dusty Foggo over here, and we've got people in the DOJ over there, and if you think about it they're all working on corruption, but the problem is they're not working together. That's the kind of situation we're trying to avoid."

"Corruption is just too important for us to have a divided team," he added.

Asked about the adiminstration's difficulty finding a 'war czar', Stanzel said they expected no such problem with the 'corruption czar' post. "Applicants are literally lining up around the block," he added. He refused to name any possible candidates; early speculation revolves around former Representative Tom DeLay and former lobbyist Jack Abramoff.

Stanzel refused to comment when asked if Bush planned to pardon Abramoff to make him eligible for the job.