K-Lo in Wonderland

She'll always have 24:

"Why don't you go hide in the shelter with the other children" [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

Jack Bauer channelled John Bolton when dealing with that odious U.N. peacekeeper last night on 24: Redemption.

More 24 in January. Something to look forward to that month.

11/24 01:16 PM

And come February, she can start pulling for some real terrorism.

Update: I see Roger Ailes posted on this yesterday, replacing Lopez's headline with a telling quotation of the good and the brave Sir Bolton of the Mustache: "I confess I had no desire to die in a Southeast Asian rice paddy."

sara giv tHem turkee bLud

So over at The Corner they made Turpalin:

Ingredients
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One turkey-blood-soaked Sarah Palin video
One honest Byron York post calling the scene "unfortunate"
One segment of MSM-MSNBC "nancy boys" coverage
Two batches of "Sarah and the Vegan Weenies" emails (1, 2)

Prime example: "In Alaska, they have critters that consider humans food. Absent high powered rifles, humans are not at the apex of the food chain in Alaska. That will tend to give people a different perspective than the silk pantywaists in the lower 48."

One piquant bouquet garni of adulatory bloodlust
Too many K-Lo wingnoli nuts (1, 2, 3...)

Mix it all up in Mark Steyn’s crackpot of a mind, cook extremely slowly for no more than 10 seconds, and…voila:

My fowl lady [Mark Steyn]

...[T]hat's Sarah Palin's real stroke of genius in these difficult times for the global economy. For, in an age when the government picks which banks to nationalize and which banks to fail, and guarantees mortgages that should never have been issued, and prepares to demand that those taxpayers with responsible and affordable pension plans prop up the lavish and unsustainable pension programs of Detroit, Governor Palin has given us a great teaching moment and a perfect snapshot of what my Brit reader would recognize as pre-Thatcher "industrial policy":

When the government decides it can "pick winners" and spare them from the realities of the market, everyone else gets bled to death.

Thank you, Sarah. It's the first election ad of Campaign '12.

Serve over the derisive laughter of Democrats everywhere.

It Stands Athwart Kathleen Parker, Yelling STFU

The battle has been joined! Conservatism fights for its very soul today over at The Corner, where first Pantload and then Human Stain set the table for K-Lo's final assault on wingnut apostate-come-lately Kathleen Parker:

...I wonder if after some time away from her e-mail and newfound attentions she'd be using some of the same words she's been using lately about many of the buyers of her book.

Maybe she would. She's someone I know and love dearly but I won't ever pretend to know her or anyone's mind. But I do know she is smarter than her column recently has suggested.

And by smarter I am not using conservatism as a litmus test for intelligence, for the record.

For the record, dear K-Lo, I think you'll find that it's a negative indicator.

Note: Deborah Howell is sure to find Parker's feints at conversion doubleplusungood.

Update: Kevin Drum has more on Jonah and the "oogedy-boogedy" GOP.

The Question Must be Asked

Will racism stand between Obamessiah and Mt. Rushmore?

Warning: scummy links.

Crazy Like a Hedgehog

Conservatism in action inaction reaction:

Palin, Hacked [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

Maybe this hacker crime suggests McCain isn't a foolish old man for not using "the e-mail" after all.

09/17 02:04 PM

You'll have to get up a little earlier in history to catch John McCain, bitches!

"Just Ignore Them"

It works every time. K-Lo:

The Next Constituency, the Slut Vote? [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

Why did John McCain even bother with Madonna? Her whore-at-50-shtick is pathetic. I think we can ignore her latest p.r. stategy.

08/25 12:26 PM

Kids in the Hall:

The Audacity of Hope

On her way to the Dem convention yesterday, The Corner paleocon Kathryn Jean Lopez had an airborne epiphany:

They've Got that Down [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

Listening to Biden belatedly, he had a line about how when you hear Obama, you believe that when you make sacrifices, you can make things better.

A born-again Christian woman who sat next to me on the plane from Chicago said the exact same thing to me. Bizarre in one sense — she clearly gets that from Christ, but Obama gives her some added kick.

We really need a pol on our side inspiring people. We're losing that contest.

08/23 09:50 PM

Idle speculation here, K-Lo, but you may want to reconsider the economic hair shirts and the moral scourging.

There Was a Farmer Who Had a Dog

And Biden was his name-o:

There Are So Many Papers in "The Problem With Joe Biden Is ... " File [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

But a few that come to mind at this hour: .... Judge Bork, Clarence Thomas, Miguel Estrada, Alito ... and this ...

Then Biden puts a hand on the reporter’s shoulder and with demonic pleasure lights into Tom DeLay. “The guy hasn’t talked to members of his family in I don’t know how many years,” he says. “The next Republican that tells me I’m not religious, I’m gonna shove my rosary beads down their throat!”

Mercifully, "Joe Biden Can’t Shut Up…" That should be quite the challenge for the Obama campaign. Michelle might be working on discipline, but if Joe Biden hasn't learned it in all his years ... good luck.

08/23 05:08 AM

B-I-D-E-N, B-I-D-E-N, B-I-D-E-N/And Biden was his name-o.

Il Portiere di notte: the Blog

Speaking of Kathryn Jean Lopez, here. She. Goes. Again:

Only in New Jersey [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

Star-Ledger:

It's eerie dark in the exhibition hall at the New Jersey Convention Center in Edison. Usually, the room is reserved for trade shows. But this summer weekend, it's been transformed into a 40,000-square-foot dungeon for sexual fantasy.

Welcome to The Floating World, three days of suspended reality geared toward those who explore extremes in carnality. The program encompassed bondage, sadomasochism and role playing — including Gitmo-inspired interrogator/detainee "torture" sessions.

08/18 07:53 AM

Oh well, whatever puts the movement into your conservatism.

QOTD: Rebel Without a Cause Edition

They're playing the mavericky mindreader game over at The Corner:

No One Is Safe [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

In the last few days, John McCain has both assured pro-choicers that he will not have a veep litmus test (in the Steve Hayes interview) and assured pro-lifers that he will be a pro-life president (at Saddelback). That seems to put him in exactly the position a man who prides himself on being a "maverick" would want to be: poised to do whatever he wants with the vice-presidential slot.

Obscurity and unpredictability -- what more could one want in a preznit?

A Waste is a Terrible Thing to Mind

Your (yester)daily outrage, from The Corner:

Well, I Would Hope So [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

"Illegal immigrants face threat of no college"

07/07 08:51 AM

Even their "hope" is a ratfucker.

For Your Pleasure

From the desk of NRO online editor Kathryn Jean Lopez:

Fourth of July Deaths [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

This one, from 1596: Blessed Henry Abbot, who was martyred in York, England, for daring to explain the Catholic faith to a minister pretending to want him to (who turned him in for doing so). He was among four condemned, Abbot's execution saved for July 4, 1597. There are so many reminders of how precious freedom is and how devoted we must be to its protection, but those July 4th ones do have a way of making a special impression.

I understand the frustration with George W. Bush's insistence that we can bring all our freedoms to parts of the world who don't seem to want it — I share it. But I also get where he's coming from, and it's not a bad thing to encourage, at least on a civics level. What's more precious? What's a greater gift, other than life itself, which is innately tied to freedom? (If our parents don't protect our freedom to live, there is no life....)

07/05 08:56 AM

K-Lo continues in a similar vein ten minutes later:

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re: Civics [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

A totally crazy Saturday-morning thought: Wouldn't George W. Bush make an awesome high-school government teacher? Wouldn't it be something if his post-presidential life would up being that kind of post-service service? How's that for a model? Who needs Harvard visiting chairs and high-end lectures? How about Crawford High? (Or wherever?) Reach out and touch the young before they are jaded, or break them of the cynicism pop culture and possibly their parents have passed down to them. Whatever you think of President Bush, he's a likable guy in love with his country with some history and experience to share.

Like I said, crazy. Saturday. Have a good one.

07/05 09:06 AM

Sure, laugh. But I betcha Bush knows when July 4 became the Fourth of July.


Update: Matt Yglesias imagines a Bush lesson bombardment plan:

The best part will be when he explains to kids that the president does not, in fact, have an obligation to follow the law and can just order arbitrary detention and torture willy-nilly because, hey, we're a nation at (undeclared, neverending) war. "That's right kids, if President Obama wants to have your testicles crushed no law and no treaty can stop him -- that's what the constitution says!" But of course if those kind of opinions are good enough for Berkeley Law School then why not high school civics?

Outsourcing Plus

Congratulations to Senator Obama for securing the Democratic presidential nomination and to Senator Clinton for a contest well fought. Now our party can begin to move forward with the important task of turning the country around from the disastrous maladministration of the past eight years.
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Naturally I turned to understand the significance of the Obama nomination to NRO's The Corner, home to our oh-so-loyal opposition. While I was preparing to make one of my trademark small-bore attacks on K-Lo, the Pantload and company, I had an inkling that on this important occasion roy (among others) might have beat me there. So wisely I looked in at Alicublog and found that I could save you the sacrifice of reading me practicing my scales while you could be attending the symphony.

But for extra added value, behold this K-Lo post that must have come after roy's:

Exactly Right [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

Sean Hannity just offered some advice to McCain on Hannity & Colmes. If he wants to give an inspiring speech, the senator ought to look at Mitt Romney's CPAC exit speech and Fred Thompson's exit speech; they were both fantastic, conservative, uplifting speeches. And so, John McCain should make like he's about to bow out of the race to find, as Hillary might put it, his voice.

06/03 11:41 PM

These people are natural born losers. That's all there is to it. So let's pull together now and send them on their way.

[Added a line.]

...But You Can't Make Her Think

Over at The Corner, Kathryn Jean Lopez tackles the elephant in the room that we noted in comments here yesterday -- the presidential crimes, misdemeanors and general scumbaggery that Scott McClellan has accused George W. Bush and Dick Cheney of committing:

Some of NRO's readers are questioning why I, among others, am "shooting the messenger" instead of tackling the content of McClellan's message. Fair enough. I'm not tackling the content of McClellan's book because I haven't read it yet. I hear that no one in the White House has either, by the way — primarily because they don't want to contribute to Scott's retirement fund. Donated, used books, presumably, are welcome.

See, she can't comment "on an ongoing investigation." Otherwise presumably she'd give us "an up or down vote." Lying is easy, kids, if you just let yourself have some fun with it.

Bad Heir Day

Fresh off a Duran Duran concert last night -- where, incensed at bassist John Taylor's "trendy Che-like Obama t-shirt," she repeatedly bellowed "John McCain for President!" at the stage -- Kathryn Jean Lopez labors to defend her earlier endorsement of a McCain one-term pledge.

(Corner ultra-hardass Andy McCarthy forced K-Lo's hand with a post warning conservatives of the dangers of a lame-duck McCain, who "is not with us on many crucial things" and who might just go and annoint a mavericky successor to his single mavericky term.)
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So K-Lo takes this childish shot at unraveling the GOP knot:

I think conservatives should make clear to Republicans they are not going to go for McCain's heir choice. The GOP is not and never will be all McCain.

Yes, the conservatives finally need to start speaking up to those damnedable Republicans. And do you know what would make them a great rallying cry at the Minneapolis convention?-- "The GOP is not and never will be all McCain!" It elegantly captures their historical moment, don't you agree?

Wheel of Fortune

Over at The Corner this afternoon, Andrew Stuttaford assailed this excerpt of a post from The Atlantic's glibertarian blogger, Megan McArdle:

There is, however, a nascent optimism in the conservative and libertarian policy worlds. The last five years have been pretty demoralizing. Now I'm seeing more and more people who are actually looking forward to going into the wilderness for a little while, where they can get their heads together without having to worry about the intellectual compromises of actual politics. There's disgust at certain policies that they can't stop, like the revolting farm bill. But people are kind of excited about figuring out what the next big thing is. Nor are they particularly worried that they will be kept out of the promised land for forty years. After all, four years ago we were talking about a permanent Republican majority.

Stuttaford finds McArdle's position "a remarkably insouciant view of what a stint in the wilderness would be like — and how long it would last."
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Is conservatism truly on the verge of a significant crack-up? Our Kathryn Jean Lopez was having none of it as she responded earlier in the day to another McArdle post. K-Lo thinks conservatism needs maybe just a little itty-bitty tune-up:

...[A] successful conservative future does not require reinventing the wheel. It requires going back to first principles — taking and providing a refresher course in conservatism. What is conservatism? How does it play out policy-wise? On the stump? Encourage those who are talking like conservatives. Encourage those who are acting like conservatives. Train the young to be conservatives. The bench of candidates is thin and the ideas cupboard is relatively bare because we haven't been inspiring people. We gotta do that. But we can only do that by being conservative ourselves....

Such lovely curves! They make me wonder...are Australian conservatives spinning down the drain right now in the opposite direction from our own?

The Best Defense is a Good Offense

Kathryn Jean Lopez demands to know -- why does Ted Kennedy's illness hate the troops? Which is funny, because yesterday she was "obviously..." the absolute picture of grace over the Kennedy tragedy.

Keep it classy, K-Lo!

Accountability

K-Lo rolled out of bed this morning and immediately pledged her heart to interminable war in Iraq:

What a Difference ... [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

It was a year ago today that Reid made his famous “war is lost” comment.

04/19 12:06 AM

Somehow I doubt she's referring to (or, possibly, is even aware of) the "difference" for the 800-odd loyal soldiers killed since then in her lost cause. Not to mention the terribly injured and the furrners.

(Not even the Pope can get that stain out, Kathryn Jean.)

Resurrection Zone

Oldies but goodies ruled K-Lo's contributions to The Corner this slow news, Easter weekend. Among them we had an entry in the Google holiday icon-watch category:

Nothing Special About Today [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

Like, Memorial Day, Easter appears to be a holiday Google doesn't do — although it managed to celebrate St. Patrick's Day and the first day of spring (even if they skipped Jonah and my birthdays!) this past week.

Because isn't that "l" just crying out to be martyred upon? And I count at least six potential caves in the other five letters.

We also had another "good news from Iraq"-style feature wherein K-Lo quoted this passage from the LA Times:

War-ravaged Iraq city 'alive again'

Fallouja has been rebuilt since the 2004 battles. Stores again are doing a brisk business, and the population is nearly back up to 300,000.

Do you think K-Lo realizes that it's a mostly-different 300,000 people -- the original folk now being mostly 'still dead'?*

And finally we had a premium entry in that classic category of K-Lo, the incredibly wrong-headed political nomination:

Empire State of Dunces [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

People are seriously wondering if David Patterson will wind up resigning.

I'm tempted to want Rudy to head to Albany. Anybody know what he's up to?

03/22 09:28 AM

I don't believe anything I could possibly write here would do justice to the memory of either John Kennedy Toole or Ignatius J. Reilly. So I'm not even going to try. Instead I'll simply bow down to the repetitive awesomeness that is K Lo.

* At least 4,000 US troops are also now 'still dead.'

Audacity of a Dope

Actual Kathryn Jean Lopez William Kristol: "[McCain] could persuade the most impressive conservative in American public life, Clarence Thomas, to join the ticket."