My Week with CNN

CNN: British authorities have foiled a terrorist plot!! We'll be bringing you 'round the clock coverage ...

Me: That turned out to be a bunch of bozos who probably couldn't have blown up a balloon with a garden hose.

CNN: Uh … O.K., BUT ... you can't take liquids or gels onto planes anymore!! Get 'round the clock coverage on this issue here on CNN ...

Me: You can put them in baggage checked at the ticket counter.

CNN: Oh … O.K. … but … BUT … they have machines at the airports that can photograph your genitals!! Our exclusive, 'round the clock coverage ...

Me: I don't really care ... I almost never fly; besides, they'll let you put a metal plate in front of your genitals, if you like.

CNN: Oh … yeah, but wait … WAIT!! A little girl was murdered ten years ago! And here’s a screwy-looking guy who says he did it!! And wait a minute … here's another guy who's already in prison for killing a girl … and wait, wait … this just in … breaking news just coming in here on CNN … the two murders had nothing to do with one another! We'll bring you 'round the clock coverage on how these two crimes are completely unrelated ...

Me: [*Click*]

… This is Cartoon Network …


[That's all, folks]