The Republicans Find an Issue to Run On

They thought they had a killer weapon in the Democrats' vote for the terrorists¹, but Foleygate sucked all the air out of that one. So now the Republicans are desperate for something to campaign on, something to smear the Democrats with...something to change the subject.

I think it's going to be Pluto.

Think about it. The Republican talking points write themselves:

• The anti-intellectual angle: "All our lives we were told Pluto was a planet, and now the liberal Democrat elitist scientists are telling us we're stupid to believe that."


• The jingoist angle: "This international group, meeting in an Eastern bloc country, wants to dictate to Americans whether Pluto is a planet or not. This is a clear violation of our sovereignty, and we won't stand for it...and the liberal Democrats who support it are committing treason."


• The fundamentalist angle: "The Bible tells us how many planets there are, not the secular humanist Democrats."


• The terra angle: "If we listen to the terror-sympathizing liberal Democrat party and don't fight the terrorists on Pluto, we'll just have to fight them here on Earth."


• The homobigot angle: "The radical homosexual Democrats want to replace Pluto with a lump of rock named after some lesbian on television."

It's going to be get ugly and it's going to get vicious, and the Democratic leadership had better be prepared for the onslaught.

Update: In comments, Ahab suggests some possible slogans for the Plutocrat Party:

Plutocracy: For the Coldest of All Possible Worlds
Plutocracy: It's Far Out (of the Mainstream)
Plutocracy: Floating in Ether and Nearly Gravity-Free

while Mixter makes a slam-dunk case for WMDs:

WMD on Pluto? Of course there are WMD on Pluto! Where do you think plutonium comes from, you silly liberals?

¹That is, the 18th century landowner-type terrorists who wrote the Constitution.

[That's all, folks]