This "dysfunctional family letter generator" seems to me to need tweaking since I need to send it to Congress every so often:
Dear Congressman X/Wallstreet/Bush Administration/ William Kristol/ NRO staff:
I just wanted to let you know that you have completely my life. If you you'd be dangerous. I have because you have one too many times. I have looked the other way, which makes me . This time you have . I have never shirked my responsibility to tell you that you are . You would be so much better off if you would just lay off of the . You must be . You are ! It is time for you to . Let this also serve as notice that all future visits have been cancelled as .