Only Sadly, No! could do this justice. I know we all took a vow of "no shooting fish in a barrel" but this is a must read post over at NRO. Derbyshire imagines Obama's "big five" scores in a way that tracks with his distaste for Obama, gets confirmation from "a reader." Our volunteer expert proves his expertise by this amazing version of Obama's imaginary score in the category "agreeableness" of which he says:
Agreeableness: Here's the juicy part — very low Agreeableness. He is guarded and reluctant to trust others. He is competitive, even ruthless. Other people are just pawns in his game. He often feels superior to others. He is cynical about others' motives, because he knows that his own motives are impure. He cannot tolerate disagreement.
Derbyshire nods sagely--why, everyone knows Obama can't tolerate disagreement! That's why he's extending the hand of friendship to Joe Lieberman, of course. Now, his curiosity about this infallible new phrenological science taking hold Derbyshire goes on to investigates his own big five and finds that political purity and good intentions are no guarantee of a high score (score being meaningless along these axes but whatever). Discovering that even a computer program can determine that he's a pathetic loser with a taste for pubescent girls he shrugs and observes that its ok to be " a disagreeable, disorganized, neurotic, un-intellectual introvert. .." as long as you are also unsucessful, bitter, and not currently president elect of an adoring population.