TSA Takes Their Job Very Seriously

Washington (f-A-ke. P.) -

Responding to the new terror alert level, established when a plot to bomb US bound airliners was discovered in the UK earlier today, the Transportation Safety Administration issued new guidelines for passengers traveling in the US -

• All passengers will be required to pass through TSA screening naked. Though travelers will be issued paper hospital gowns prior to boarding their flights, TSA officials feel that this is the only way to catch really determined terrorists.
  

• To prevent terrorists from ingesting explosive substances, all passengers will be required to throw up prior to boarding their aircraft.
  

• Passengers that are part of TSA's Registered Traveler program will be required to shave all of their body hair in order to maintain their status.

• And finally, no reading material will be allowed to pass through TSA screening. Though passengers concerned about boredom will be glad to know that TSA has thoughtfully decided to place copies of the Congressional Register on board all domestic aircraft.

TSA spokespersons had no comment on rumors that requiring passengers to wear revealing hospital gowns on board would lead to wave of attempts to join the Mile High Club.

(This is the topic you just can't get away from today.)