Experiments in Child-Rearing

Debra Saunders nearly always makes me want to bang my head against a wall, but yesterday she nearly gave me a concussion with a column headed Intolerance, a San Francisco treat.

The background: San Francisco supervisor Bevan Dufty, who is gay, had a child with a lesbian mother; they're now living together and raising the child together. Local anchorman Pete Wilson, who also has a radio show, devoted an hour of his show to criticizing the whole arrangement. Among other things, he said a baby is "not an experiment. It is not an opportunity to see how far you can carry your views on parenting, alternative lifestyles or diversity in family structures." In response, two other Supervisors, Tom Ammiano (who is gay) and Ross Mirkarimi (who is not) have called for Wilson to resign.

Which sets up Saunders' pet theme of The Intolerance of People Who Are Tolerant:

Yes, San Francisco is very tolerant -- unless you hold the wrong opinion. Then the supes will try to get you fired....gays and S.F. supes are...trying to get a man fired for expressing views they don't like. They clearly don't appreciate the beauty of free speech: When you don't like what someone says, you talk back. You don't silence dissenters, unless you are afraid of what they say.

Now, I think calling for Wilson's resignation was supremely silly. It's silly on a substantive level, and it's incredibly dumb on the level of appearances. It's crap like this that gives Saunders and her kind a fig leaf for the lie that lefties are 'intolerant'.

What's more, I don't think Pete Wilson's comments were necessarily bigoted. Narrow, yes, but bigoted...he's been a friend in the past, and I think it would be stupid and false to call him an enemy now.

That said, what Saunders completely misses is that Wilson's comments really were completely inappropriate and uncalled-for. They were inappropriate because it's none of his business. (Saunders not only fails to understand this but joins in the fun: "While I am sure Dufty's daughter is a beautiful child, I, too, wonder if this Instant Family will last." Thanks for sharing, Debra.) Nobody is accusing Dufty of abusing his child, or neglecting her, or doing anything at all that would make his home life our--society's--business. So while I wouldn't call for Wilson's resignation, I would cordially invite him to shut the fuck up.

Jon Carroll, writing in Monday's Chronicle, does get it:

Here's the breaking-news non-flash: It's all an experiment. Every adventure in parenting is trial and error, generally performed by people totally unqualified for the task. I think of myself at 23, which is how old I was when my first daughter was born, and I think: Would I entrust an infant to this man? Absolutely not. I remember him well. He was barely sentient. He meant well, usually, but he was deeply ignorant....

This isn't about political correctness, whatever the hell that means now. This is about raising a valiant child, and Dufty and Goldfader should be allowed to do that without having to worry about talk show hosts looking for a horse to ride.

Families are different. Families change. Traditional families become non-traditional, and vice-versa. What doesn't change is that raising a child is the most difficult thing in the world. Those people who have the courage to do it should be allowed to do so without unwarranted interference from bystanders with an agenda.

[That's all, folks]