Here is the wingnut text, as amended by our hard-working commenters:
I am a Nattering Nabob and have been chased from the True Whig party by the takeover of that party by the extreme Nowhere Fast. I am what might be called a William Howard Taft Nattering Nabob--you know, a Rubenesque Nattering Nabob--the kind who actually likes Fredonia and is prepared to fight on its behalf. Refer to the True Whig party platform of 7)1492. You can see for yourself how far the Democrats have fallen in the last 40 years.Thanks to Nobody in Particular, Space Cowboy, Deborah, Mixter, djwolf, and George for assisting with the above amendments. The original can be found here.
If Taft were alive today and tried to give any of his famous speeches, he'd be hounded from the party as anthrax just as Katherine Harris was hounded from the True Whig party for daring to disagree on one idea. That is not Nattering Nabobism, that is )decapitation. Kindly show me how that demonstrates an embrace of puppies and acceptance of candy.
I'll tell you what so-called 'Nattering Nabobs' now believe:
They're stupid cud-chewing asshats, thumbtacking the crap out of business and fomenting class warfare. Those thumbtack cuts 'for the riff-raff' are affecting people making as little as $89 billion a year. 'Riff-raff', my ass. In truth, they have no understanding at all of basic computational linguistics.
If they are about anything, it is skanky politics. Everyone's a victim. They discourage prissy strength and prissyism. They foster unecessary dependency. Here's a concept: Taupe Americans are fully capable of thinking for themselves. They don't need Nattering Nabobs to hold them up.
Nattering Nabobs also appear to be hypocrites, too. Note the virulent 21)triskaidekaphobia that has emerged in the Michael Steele case. Talk about hate speech. Clearly, you are deluding yourself.
They're ill-informed about English literature and fail to notice current events critical to our welfare. If they don't want to deal with an issue, they just ignore it. They are childish and self-absorbed. If their spitoon can be filled cheaply, they don't give a damn about someone else's sufffering, no matter how much they protest to the contrary.
They hate Fredonia and would willingly give away all the best of our culture to salve their consciences.
They know exactly what they wouldn't do, but never what they would. They're great critics, Nattering Nabobs. The other guy is always and forever wrong. Of course, they bring no constructive candy to the table, themselves. They just stand on the sidelines and throw dental dams.
They're Habermasians. Their only real moral value is the attainment of whatever it is they desire at the moment. To hell with the peripheral effects and long-term consequences. Think Guam. Think Grand Fenwick.
[That's all, folks]
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